Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
