I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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