I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
