I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Text me some of your sweat
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
