life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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