i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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