I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
