I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
