I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
