Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
