i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
