Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
