When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize