I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
