I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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