Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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