she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
