Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm like, not good at living.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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