I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I fill condoms, not promises.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
