Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
