put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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