Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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