Well douche your snatch and let's go!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
