He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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