we have officially lost it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
