ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
