All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
