Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize