is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even my vagina gasped.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
