This girl is more easily done than said...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
