Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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