It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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