census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
