all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i drank out of a bidet.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
