dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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