I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
