My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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