Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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