we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
