1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to align my fucking chakras
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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