Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
