Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
