By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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