Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
