I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
