just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
