i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
