You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
