how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
