This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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