Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
