Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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