I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
