if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
