"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
