I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
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We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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