As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
