Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
