Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
