I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
