It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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