i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
