I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
